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The First Move

A guy’s perspective on making the first move. Who should make the first move, and how to make the first move. What to look for, and what signals to give.

“It was a good date, but then it fizzled out…”

Let’s talk about the huge elephant in the room. You went on a date, it went great, maybe you went on a second date, but then it fizzled right out. You liked him, you think he liked you, at least based on what he messaged you at one point (or vice versa), but nothing happened. No one initiated that first intimate contact, mostly known as a kiss. So, it kind of just fizzled out in whatever awkwardness afterwards right? Happened more than once? You’re not alone. Its happened to me and lots of other people I know who have dated in the last decade.

Why does it happen though?

How and why does this happen to a lot of us? I’m going to explain from a guy’s perspective in hopes to help women better understand, why we even let it happen; and for the guys to help inspire the confidence in them to, not expect women to always aggressively make the first move, but how to recognize the subtle clues she would like you to make that move.

So first of all, why is it hard for us to make that move as men? Granted were not ‘Gordo the Weirdo’ (Jason Bateman movie reference there, I forget which one :-), we are a nervous nelly! Seriously, you are hot, you said yes to dating us after we have been turned down countless times, by other girls and perhaps by you even previously. If we don’t act annoyed, or are trying to hurry things along, we like you (it’s that simple). We just don’t want to risk the chance of ruining it by making the move too quickly, or too aggressively. Let’s be honest, we’re all different, so we all have a different idea of when it’s appropriate to make moves. Not to mention, there is the fear of any sort of sexual accusation, for making a move too quickly with the wrong woman that it doesn’t pan out with. It’s rare, but it happens, and its our concern too.

What can you do?

“Tell me something I don’t know” you say? Maybe you’re wondering what you can do as a woman to help ease that worry, so he will make a move? You’re probably doing these things already, but need to be more intentional about it. If you’re in a car together, maybe put your hand on his inner leg? Standing around somewhere? Put your arm down his back and squeeze or pat his butt cheek. Walking somewhere or sitting at a movie? Reach your hand near his, put it near his, you don’t need to grab it, that’s his job, you just need to initiate the contact. After-all, only 7% of communication is done so with words.

Guys who are asking, “What can I do?” Well, if you just read the paragraph above, you should know now. Pay attention to the physical signs she gives you, or doesn’t giving you – this is just as important. It generally means she is not digging you, but it doesn’t hurt to reach out once afterwards as she could have just been having a bad day. Remember, just because she wants you to make the first move, doesn’t mean she wants you to go all the way home. I’m not saying whether or not it should, that’s up to the two of you to decide, and can often be situational. Respect her choice when she doesn’t want to go to the next step, whatever that step may be. Trust me, it will 100% pay off 1000x better in the end.

Great, we kissed. Now what?

first kiss or a first move will open your door to intimacy at this point. Afterward, it’s completely okay for either one of you to talk about your intimacy time table (if you have one). Talking about it can be awkward for some, especially in the moment. It’s always good to plan to initiate the first move near the end of the first or second date. By having this conversation at the end of the date, it enables time for either one you of you message each other your concerns and/or expectations in regards to your continued relationship while avoiding that ‘in person’ awkwardness.

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