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Open Letter: To the new boyfriend it just isn’t working out with (Reader Discretion: SC)

Dear Jon Doe, 

    I really wanted to discuss something that’s been a bit of an issue for me. I hate to even have this conversation but I also think you’re only going to benefit from what I have to say; whether it’s for me or the next girl in your life.  I also had to take into consideration and remind myself you’re young (for guys 25 is very young), so I thought you might need to be informed. I have a certain set of expectations as far as sexual situations go. 

    I think every time a man gets off, a woman should as well, or at least as close to every time as possible. I promise you this is the best advice you’ll be given for any interactions with me or any future romantic interests in your life period.

    Getting off during sex is a rarity for me as is all women. Only something like 15 percent of women actually reach orgasm from intercourse alone. I love having sex with you but I need you to try harder at getting me there beforehand. Just as I try for you.

   I need the whole jumping to sex thing to slow way down. A quickie every now and again is totally cool and welcomed with out foreplay, but at least 90% of the time I need you to let me get warmed up w/ out lube or spit. That’d be nice because I’m definitely capable of making my own, if you took your time. I’ve actually told you before if you can get me there, with your hands or mouth before sex, it makes sex that much better for me (and for us?). I hope you don’t take this bad, or too critical but I need you to know, this one thing that’s still bothers me. You do really good when you do touch me, I’d just really like more of that. It kinda sucks, like it’s a tease . 


​How would you feel if I started giving you head then stopped and said, “Ok I’m done now”. Just trying to put it into your perspective of how I’m just finally about to get there, and we are done because of the absence of foreplay. 

     We just might not be compatible, and that’s ok. I think you’re a great guy, I have fun when we are together but I honestly feel used and unimportant because of this. If my friend came to me describing this situation I’d say ‘he’s just not that into you obviously’.

     So to be even more direct, if it doesn’t change I don’t think I’m going to stick around. I don’t like feeling like this; unimportant in the bedroom and not valued.  I honestly feel that this is not your intention. At least hope it’s not, but that’s exactly what it translates to.  I really enjoy having sex w/ you but I always pride myself on communication.. After the first time I mentioned this (except much more light and subtle) I did notice a tiny change, but touching me for 60 seconds is not what I had in mind. At this point I just can’t keep hanging out with you and not telling you how I feel in a very direct way. If it’s that you’re just not that into me and all you’re wanting is to hang with me for a one sided hookup, I just don’t do the whole one sided hookup.  Those days have been past me since I turned 20.  


      I am hoping that you take this email for what it’s worth and not in a bad way. I do honestly feel it’s something you will benefit from hearing. In-case you are unaware or just don’t know the ins and outs of real relationships/hookups, whatever this is.  Even if you never see me again, I feel it’s something you need to know and understand the importance of; for any future women in your life if that isn’t me. It translates into “I don’t care about you and I don’t care about your satisfaction”, it comes across selfish and uncaring.  I really feel/hope that’s not a conscious thing you’re doing. Everything I know of you doesn’t line up with this, but I’ve been wrong before with reading people. 

   If I’m too forward for your liking I apologize. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from and my mindset now. If I didn’t feel you were worth the conversation I wouldn’t have even tried talking to you. I also felt an email/letter would be the least stressful for you, as I know you’re shy, and I get worried I’m too forward at times because you aren’t that comfortable communicating about that.  I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I’m sure you’re way past uncomfortable now. 


 Just about every woman at one point in their life


Vanessa Butler

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