Why is it that every time you start to date some one for the first time, it seems to go great for the first month or two and then it turns out like all the rest?
In short, it’s because we tend to generally put on an act (or best face) to make a good impression. Let’s examine this a little closer.
The Early Dating Problem.
we all want to be accepted, we try not to offend the other person, mind our manners, and hide our flaws. We put on a front.
– Men usually try to convey the message of competence while concealing how needy or possessive they can be. They may try to act as if they are sensitive, but few will show their vulnerability. To do so would be to admit they can be hurt, and to them that is the equivalent of being weak.
– Women tend to downplay their strength and accomplishments, so as not to intimidate men. They are also careful to not come across as demanding or insecure, knowing these qualities can push a man away.
Eventually, the time will come when the parties will let their guard down. Hidden flaws, needs, and imperfections begin to leak out; the longer they have been concealed the bigger the shock and disruption will be to the relationship.
The Dating Solution.
By not being real, the problem is generally made worse. If we continuously allow someone’s sensitive or hurtful behavior to pass without comment, the behavior can become habitual. Resentments will build and we eventually will end up over reacting. We then come off as demanding, abrasive, and/or intolerant when we confront them about their truths. It is crucial to be as real as you can be, as early as possible when dating. If you don’t, the other person will grow to like someone you are not, which can only lead to trouble.
Intimacy is built on trust. If you don’t trust the other person to be yourself, you can’t be intimate, and neither can he or she.
But Not Too Fast!
Before you lay it all on the line in the beginning, if you reveal too much, to soon, you can scare the other person away. Don’t make your date feel like they’re on a job interview or audition.
The Dating Checklist:
- Be yourself from the start
- Be Honest without being too blatant
- “It makes me feel ____ when you_____”
- “It upsets me when ______”
- “It frustrates me when _____”
- When you share your troubles, don’t make the other person feel sorry for you, or responsible for solving your problems.
- When you talk about things you’re proud of , do it without arrogance or conceit.
- Be confident, not cocky.
- When you express disapproval of something, start with something positive about them, and invite them to share something that upsets them.
- Keep it real and stay real! It’s easy to fall back into pleasing him/her with fallacies;stay the course!
- Have Fun! Laugh at yourself for being imperfect.